This Mother’s Day, Black Women Need To Talk About Motherhood and Anxiety

Becoming a mother is a transformative experience that brings immense joy, but it can also highlight underlying anxieties. For me, this journey was particularly challenging due to my upbringing in a home where spanking was the primary method of discipline. This environment shaped my perceptions of child development and discipline, and as I embarked on my own parenting journey, I realized the need to relearn what is truly normal and healthy for children's growth.

Doing what I Knew:

Growing up, spanking was a common occurrence in my household. It was seen as a quick and effective way to correct behavior, but it often left me feeling confused and anxious. As a child, I didn't understand why physical punishment was necessary, and it instilled a sense of fear rather than respect. These experiences stayed with me, and when I became a mother, I found myself grappling with the same anxieties and uncertainties.

The birth of my first child was a turning point. I wanted to create a nurturing and supportive environment, free from the fear and anxiety that had characterized my own childhood. This desire led me to enroll in parenting classes, where I learned about child development and positive discipline techniques. These classes were eye-opening, as they challenged many of the beliefs I had held about parenting.

Anxieties and Unlearning Old Habits

One of the most significant lessons I learned was the importance of understanding children's developmental stages. Children are not miniature adults; they have unique needs and ways of processing the world around them. Positive discipline techniques, such as setting clear boundaries, using time-outs, and offering choices, are far more effective in promoting healthy development than physical punishment. These methods encourage children to understand the consequences of their actions and develop self-discipline, rather than acting out of fear.

Relearning what is normal for children's development also involved unlearning many of the practices I had been exposed to. It was a process of self-reflection and growth, as I worked to replace old habits with new, healthier ones. This journey was not easy, and there were moments of doubt and frustration. However, the support of other parents and the guidance of experts helped me stay on track.

Anxiety and Parenting

As I implemented these new techniques, I noticed a positive change in my child's behavior and our relationship. My child became more confident and secure, knowing that they were loved and respected. This, in turn, helped alleviate my own anxiety, as I saw the benefits of positive discipline firsthand. The journey of becoming a mother highlighted my anxieties, but it also provided an opportunity for growth and healing.

To help heal parental anxiety, consider the following ideas:

1. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present and manage stress. These techniques can reduce anxiety and promote a sense of calm.
2. Therapy and Counseling: Seeking professional help can provide you with tools to manage anxiety and address any unresolved issues from your past.
3. Support Groups: Joining a support group for parents can provide a sense of community and shared experiences. It's comforting to know you're not alone in your struggles.
4. Self-Care: Prioritize self-care by setting aside time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This can include hobbies, exercise, or simply taking a break when needed.

Healing my Inner Child

Healing your inner child is also beneficial for your children. When you address and heal your own childhood wounds, you become a more empathetic and understanding parent. This process allows you to break the cycle of negative behaviors and create a healthier environment for your children. By modeling emotional resilience and self-awareness, you teach your children the importance of self-care and emotional well-being.

It's important to recognize that past parental trauma can significantly affect your current parenting if left unchecked. Unresolved trauma can manifest in many ways, such as heightened anxiety, overreacting to your child's behavior, or repeating the same negative patterns you experienced as a child. This can create a cycle of fear and anxiety that impacts both you and your child. By addressing and healing your own trauma, you can break this cycle and create a more positive and nurturing environment for your children.

The Birth of my First child

The birth of my first child was a profound experience that highlighted my anxieties and prompted me to seek healthier parenting methods. As I continued my journey with the birth of my subsequent two children, each child brought new insights and opportunities for growth. My second and third children benefited from the lessons I had learned and the positive changes I had implemented. They grew up in an environment where love, respect, and understanding were the foundation of our relationship. This not only helped them thrive but also reinforced my commitment to positive parenting.

Culture and New Mindsets

Culturally, in many Black homes, traditional methods of discipline such as spanking are often deeply ingrained and can be challenging to change. This new thinking about positive discipline and child development may be met with resistance. However, it is important to understand the benefits of these new approaches while also appreciating the positive aspects of our cultural heritage. By taking the good from our culture and changing the mindset around practices that need to be let go, we can raise healthy and respectful children. Embracing positive discipline does not mean abandoning our cultural values; it means evolving them to create a nurturing and supportive environment for our children.

Happy Mother’s Day to all Incredible Moms

As Mother's Day and any future ones come forward, I know that becoming the best version of yourself is the way that we help make our children see that same love. You are worth seeing them do their best while you do the same.

Becoming a mother brought to light the anxieties rooted in my upbringing, where spanking was the norm. Through parenting classes and a commitment to positive discipline, I was able to relearn what is normal for children's development and create a nurturing environment for my child. This journey has been transformative, helping me overcome my anxieties and become a more confident and compassionate parent. Healing parental anxiety and addressing your inner child's wounds are essential steps in creating a healthy and supportive environment for your children. By doing so, you not only improve your own well-being but also set a positive example for your children, fostering their emotional and psychological growth.