The Black Fatherhood Flex

I am the father of a sassy and opinionated 4-year-old girl and just welcomed my son into the world only a few days ago. I would say I am an accomplished man. I’ve done many things. I have traveled to many places. But the most rewarding responsibility would by far be becoming a father. When I look at my children, I see my silent prayers being answered. I see my inner child

being healed and satisfied and that’s a feeling you could never top or replace.

As my son just recently arrived, most of my experience as a father is from my daughter. Ladybug,as I call her, came into our lives at a time when the world was in a state of unrest. She was conceived during the summer of 2020. I remember that time vividly.

My wife and I were overwhelmed and angry about the murder of another Black man, George Floyd. May his soul rest peacefully.So much was going on in the world at the time. So many lives were lost due to Covid—so much anger due to George Floyd’s murder. We were both angry and anxious. We were on lockdown.

Even through my anger and protest, my daughter’s arrival gave me a new hope. Not only for myself, but for her as well. She came and softened my heart, which changed my life forever.

The greatest lesson that I have learned from my daughter is that vulnerability and presence is (and has always been) my superpower. She challenged a man from Philly, who was taught that emotional intelligence is a weak man’s trait, to open up and live out loud. She helped me free myself from the constraints of life’s expectations. I have learned so much from my girl and I’m forever grateful.

She doesn’t know it, but she helped me to address past traumas and work diligently to be a better version of self. Through a holistic approach and a consistent commitment to wellness, I have seen the benefits. It excites me that my son will also reap the benefits of a father who is mentally and physically present with an open heart.

The powers that be don’t like to see a Black man who exudes joy. This has become my greatest form of resistance. They want us to believe that Black Fathers don’t care for and love their children. I don’t miss moments, doctor appointments, or family time. I have positioned myself to work from home to be able to care for my family. Just like my wife, I cook, clean, go to swim lessons, and more. CDC studies indicate that Black fathers are as likely, and in some cases more likely, to be involved in their children's daily care and activities compared to white and Hispanic fathers.

I believe that a Black father’s presence is rooted in love, resilience, and a desire to break generational cycles while building strong, supportive legacies. That is what keeps me going; even while many societal narratives paint us out to be absent, irresponsible, selfish, and incompetent.

I am a Black Father and I absolutely love it here! Happy Father’s Day to all of the Black Fathers out here that are loving, living, and standing in their rightful places. Our childrens’ lives are blessed because we are here.